The concept of chivalry has evolved significantly from medieval times to the 21st century, shifting from the code of knightly conduct to more modern forms of courtesy and respect. Here are some notable instances of what back in the day were considered chivalrous acts:
Medieval Times
Chivalry in Tournaments and Jousting (12th-15th Century)
Throughout medieval Europe, knights participated in jousts and tournaments to demonstrate their skill and courage. These contests often involved knights fighting in honor of a noblewoman, dedicating their victories to her. One famous example is Sir Lancelot, one of the greatest knights of the Round Table, known for his loyalty and acts of chivalry. His devotion to Queen Guinevere is a key example of medieval courtly love, where he repeatedly fights in tournaments and goes on dangerous quests to honor her. There might be some debate on whether lusting after another man’s wife was truly admirable but nonetheless Lancelot was considered a knight in shining armor.
Renaissance
Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes (1605)
In Cervantes’ famous novel, the character Don Quixote embodies the medieval notion of chivalry but in an exaggerated and often comical way. Quixote, inspired by romantic tales of knights, goes on a series of quests to defend the honor of his imagined lady, Dulcinea. His desire to impress Dulcinea led him to battle windmills which he mistakes for giants. The absurdity of his actions underscore how men in the past thought engaging in combat would help them attract women.
Victorian Era (19th Century)
The Cult of Domesticity and Victorian Chivalry
In the 19th century, chivalry transformed into social norms around gentlemanly behavior. Men were expected to protect and honor women, particularly in domestic and romantic relationships but they no longer were encouraged to fight for their attention. Men instead were expected to offer women seats, open doors, and help them with tasks. The Victorian ideal of womanhood emphasized purity and moral superiority, while men were expected to act as guardians of women’s virtue.
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20th Century
Gentlemanly Behavior in 20th Century Dating
In the early to mid-20th century, societal expectations of men translated to men assuming the traditional gender role of breadwinner while women’s focus was on maintaining the home and family. A man’s professional success demonstrated his fulfillment of his obligation to take care of the woman in his life. He might not be putting his life on the line like the knights of yore but he still has to fight to maintain his place in society.
21st Century
Chivalry in Modern Relationships
In the 21st century, traditional acts of chivalry, like opening doors, offering a coat to a woman who was cold, or paying for a date, are still present, but they are viewed with a more nuanced understanding of gender equality. Acts that were once considered essential to male-female relationships, such as offering to protect or serve women, are now more often seen as mutual acts of kindness rather than gender-specific duties. I’d like to think that the modern women wouldn’t think twice about offering her sweater to the shivering man in her life.
Chivalric Etiquette in Corporate Environments
In modern workplaces, chivalry has taken on the form of respectful, supportive behavior. Men who advocate for gender equality by mentoring women, promoting fairness, and fighting against bias can be seen as practicing a form of modern chivalry.
Many acts that were once considered chivalrous are now viewed through the lens of gender equality, and some are interpreted as reinforcing outdated gender roles, leading to perceptions of sexism. Here are examples where traditional acts of chivalry might be considered sexist today:
Always Paying for Dates
Historically, men were expected to pay for dates as part of their duty to “provide” and demonstrate care for women. Today, this practice can be seen as reinforcing the notion that men should take on financial responsibility for women, which some interpret as undermining women’s independence and ability to contribute equally. The expectation that men should always pay might be seen as rooted in traditional gender roles rather than equality as it assumes that women need financial support or care from men and may deny women’s autonomy in equal partnerships.
Opening Doors/Pulling Out Chairs/Offering a Coat to a Woman If She’s Cold
While opening doors or pulling out chairs for women was once considered polite and chivalrous, it can now be interpreted as patronizing if it’s done with the assumption that women are weaker, fragile or less capable than men.
Giving Up a Seat for a Woman
In the past, men were expected to give up their seat for women as a sign of respect and deference. However, today this can be perceived as implying that women are less physically capable or that they inherently deserve special treatment based on gender alone, rather than individual need.
Walking a Woman to Her Car or Escorting Her Home
Historically, walking a woman to her car or home was considered a protective act, part of a man’s duty to safeguard women. In modern contexts, this could be seen as patronizing if it implies that women are incapable of navigating the world without male protection as they are vulnerable.
Standing Up When a Woman Enters the Room
This was once a standard act of courtesy in many cultures, where men would stand to show respect when a woman entered the room. Today, this can be seen as unnecessary or as treating women as inherently different, deserving of special deference simply because of their gender and unless the woman is a Queen is totally without reason.
Protective Behavior in Professional Settings
In workplaces, men may refrain from criticizing or debating women in meetings to be “polite” or “chivalrous.” While this may be intended as respectful, it can come across as condescending, implying that women cannot handle confrontation or are less competent in professional settings. Unfortunately, a man’s reluctance to engage or criticize a woman in a business meeting can result in his appearing incompetent rather than chivalrous.
Helping Women with Physical Tasks Automatically
Offering to help a woman carry something heavy, while traditionally chivalrous, can be viewed as sexist today if it’s based on the assumption that women are physically incapable or weaker. The assumption that men must help because of their gender may be interpreted as undermining women’s strength and independence. One wonders how many men would offer a frail looking man the same help performing an arduous task that they automatically offer to women.
Over-Complimenting Women’s Appearance
Historically, chivalry involved complimenting a woman’s beauty or appearance as a way to show admiration. In modern contexts, excessive or unsolicited compliments about a woman’s looks can be seen as objectifying, reducing women’s value to their physical appearance, especially in professional or neutral settings. In addition, this attention can be misconstrued to imply sexual harassment.
The line between courtesy and sexism can be subtle, but it often depends on context, intent, and whether the act reinforces stereotypes or supports genuine equality. It’s likely that a woman who is in her ninth month of pregnancy would appreciate a man offering to help her lift a heavy object or relinquish his seat to her on a train.
And I’m not ashamed to admit it- sometimes I dream about two men fighting mano a mano over my affections. Ah, sweet chivalry…
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